Nightmares…

Scarlett by no means has had an easy recovery since her initial diagnosis. She had multiple pulmonary hemorrhages the first one caused her to go into cardiac arrest on February 21st, the last hemorrhage caused by her lupus was in April. In May, when she was completely off sedation she bled in her lungs again after contracting endocarditis in the PICU. I remember just like it was yesterday. I was sitting on her bed and she started to deteriorate pretty quickly, then blood started coming out of her tracheotomy it was the first critical experience she had when completely off sedation besides her initial code. I was trying not to panic in front of her. She had to be placed back under sedation. I am so thankful to Scarlett’s nurse who voiced the need for me to have a moment to say goodbye to her and in that moment Scarlett was trying to make me laugh and be silly. I cannot imagine how scary it must have been for her to not be able to speak or adequately communicate how she was feeling. Since coming home she has had nightmares. At first they were frequent and I had to sleep in her bed for a long time. Now she might have a bad night once or twice a week and sometimes she shouts out in her sleep. Tonight however, I have already been up with her twice. I ask her what she’s dreaming about. She told me she has dreams about the hospital and that she did not like having the tube in her neck because she couldn’t talk and that it was scary. Tonight her pillow was soaked in sweat. I work in behavioral health and have talked to a few psychiatrists and therapists about her case. The consensus is that she is too young to participate in therapy but hopefully at a year out from the traumatic experience she won’t remember much. Antihistamines can also be helpful for young children with nightmares, but they don’t seem to affect Scarlett, she has a high tolerance for medications. We were so thankful to bring Scarlett home that the aftermath of all the traumatic experiences were not on the forefront of my mind. I can only hope her nightmares get fewer and farther between. I still believe that everything happens for a reason. Scarlett is definitely a little fighter and lupus warrior.