2/21/19 One year from Scarlett’s code blue.

One year ago our lives changed forever. We knew Scarlett was sick , but this was the night we knew how sick she truly was. Around midnight I left Scarlett’s hospital room to go home and sleep. Sheldon said he would stay the night with her in the hospital as I was seven months pregnant at the time and he wanted me to get a good night’s rest. At 3:30am my phone rang and it was Sheldon he told me to get to the hospital right away because Scarlett was crashing. Then he told me do not get into a car accident on the way. As I was looking at my phone he had texted me “RAPID” a few minutes earlier (meaning rapid response). I pulled on my clothes from the bedroom floor I had been wearing earlier and literally ran out the door. My dad was staying at our house to watch our kids and I didn’t even tell him I was leaving.

When I arrived to the pediatric unit the team was no longer doing CPR but the anesthesiologist was placing Scarlett’s central line and the staff were shouting for more epi and atropine to keep her heart pumping. I walked into her hospital room and I’ll never forget how she looked lifeless, laying on the bed with her arms and legs spread out. The ICU doctor continuously monitoring her pulse on her femoral artery. I noticed the blood that had emanated from her endotracheal tube and knew it was not good. Her pediatrician was on the phone I heard him talking that he did not want the helicopter because it would take two hours to get to Fargo and she was too unstable and he was requesting a plane to fly her out. Before the flight team left with Scarlett they gave Sheldon and myself some time to talk to her and say goodbye. I will never forget leaning down to tell Scarlett how much I loved her. Then I turned to her flight team and told them how much we loved her and I knew how we all wanted the same outcome for her.

I can remember 2/21/18 just like it was yesterday and have gone over it a hundred times in my head. I have also read her code blue documentation over and over. I have come to a point however, where I have realized that it is no longer healthy to relive a traumatic moment over and over again. Scarlett survived. Not only did she survive, but she has surpassed all expectations of her recovery. She is alive and doing well. I feel that it is definitely time to move forward from our traumatic experiences and celebrate what we have with her now. Our happy 4 year old spunky daughter who is living her best life. She loves to play with her siblings and always takes her medication without much complaint. One year ago 2/21 was the worst day of my life, but now 2/21 makes me hopeful for Scarlett’s future and the great plan God must have for her.